Scottish Deep Thoughts

I was bored at school and decided to start a school newspaper. I contribute an article (Mr. Muir's Canadian Commentary) and have included the 2 articles below. They are both about language. A working title for the next article is "Wayne Who?: A Canadian hockey player's struggle to find ice hockey in Scotland".

Article #1 - The Difficulty of British English

Since moving to Scotland I have found some differences between the Canadians and the Scots. The main difference is obvious: language. Indeed, Canadians and Scots both speak and write English. However, I have come to recognize a few words that have somewhat different meanings in Canada.
In Canada, crisps are chips and chips are fries. The ground floor is the first floor and the first floor is the second floor. Football is a different sport altogether in North America. Pants are worn on the outside of your underwear. A boot belongs on my foot, not at the rear of my car (where the steering wheel is on the LEFT hand side). Plaster belongs on a wall, not on injured fingers. A torch is a large, flaming stick. A flashlight is a much better method for helping me to see in the dark. A stone is a rock, which does necessarily have to weigh 14 pounds. In this case, “pounds” is not a reference to the currency. If I make a spelling mistake, I use an eraser, not a rubber. You may become a bit embarrassed if you ask a teacher for a “rubber” in Canada. Even in writing this article I run into an embarrassing conundrum: Do I end sentences with the Canadian “period” or a full-stop?


Article #2 - Canadian English Oddities

Having discussed the difficulties of Scots/British English in the previous issue, it would only be fair to reveal some distinctly “Canadian” words. The list below shows a sample of words that are commonplace throughout the country but illicit strange looks of confusion when used abroad.

Ogopogo - Legendary monster that is rumoured to live in Okanagan Lake in central British Columbia. Similar to Loch Ness Monster. A VERY suspect video is the only proof of the monster’s existence.

Kraft Dinner - Often shortened to "KD", known elsewhere as "macaroni and cheese". Canadians eat the most KD per capita of any country.

Hoser - A put-down. “You’re such a hoser”.

Habs - Nickname for Montreal Canadians hockey team. Derived from a contraction of “habitants”, a French term for residents of New France (present day Quebec).

Canuck - A Canadian.

deke, deke out - to feint, to trick or avoid someone "to deke out of a meeting" or, to deftly maneuver around a sporting opponent (esp. in hockey).

Chinook(sh-nuk) - A warm, dry wind experienced along the eastern side of the Rocky Mountains in Canada. Most common in winter and spring, it can result in a rise in temperature of 20C (35 to 40F) in a quarter of an hour.

Chesterfield - a sofa, couch, or loveseat.

Keener - An enthusiastic student, not necessarily a positive term

Eh? - A famous Canadian way of ending sentences. Used in place of “don't you think?” “It looks like it is going to rain, eh?”

Tim Horton’s - Famous Canadian coffee shops known for their donuts and coffee.

Poutine (poo-teen) - A cholesterol-rich Canadian "delicacy" consisting of French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. A French-Canadian creation.

Loonie - One dollar coin. Nickname comes from the loon depicted on the front.

Toonie - Two dollar coin.

Click - Slang term for Kilometre. “I drove 50 clicks yesterday.”

Tuque (two-k) - a close-fitting woolen winter hat

Coquihalla(coke-a-halla) - Section of the Trans-Canada highway.