Scottish Deep Thoughts

The "fun day" lived up to it's name. We had to swallow our pride but we put forth a good effort and came in second (although we were cheated out of first). Good times, sunny weather and porridge. We represented the homeland with our "clan flag" and "clan name" (Clan Ogopogo).

As I walked up the street today I watched 3 notoriously mischievous students throwing a tennis ball between passing cars on a busy street (the kids get bored easily here). Walking by the troublemakers was a lady pushing a baby carriage followed by a small dog without a leash. I felt a bit like Superman when he spots danger. The image of Christopher Reeve rescuing the oblivious kid just before the train comes through flashed in my mind. Like a suave Clark Kent, I walked up to the kids, got them to stop throwing the ball and gave them a bit of a telling off. (In case you are wondering, I didn't whip off my sunglasses and rip my shirt open to reveal my unitard and cape).

I am quite sure that I did the "responsible" thing. However, it made me feel old (again). If I didn't know who they were or I was in a bigger town, I wonder if I would have done this? Ahhhhh, isn't having a position of responsibility in a small town great?

Please excuse this post for sounding like it was pulled off of the back cover of a book...

If you're looking for an easy, but enjoyable, read try "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time" by Mark Haddon ( I read it in two days). It's written through the eyes and mind of an autistic 15 year old boy who begins to investigate the mysterious death of the neighborhood dog. In doing this, he begins to uncover secrets about his life and family.

While reading this book I seriously began to question whether students I teach are mildly autistic. It even made me think of how some of my behaviours are comparable to the autistic teenager's thoughts and actions!

I have one week to go and my mind is elsewhere. It has left on summer holidays without my body. I am now dreaming of travelling through Poland and Czech Republic rather than having nightmares of marking essays and dealing with lazy pupils. Lonely Planet, I love you.

I volunteered to humiliate myself this weekend. The Primary school puts on a fun day, which includes a friendly competition amongst a few groups from the community (fire dept, police dept, grocery store and the high school). Normally, this team consists of all teachers but this year I was the only one daft enough to volunteer so 3 senior students were recruited. The events are typical "fun day" events with a Scottish twist: Haggis putt, Tartan Tosser, Tug-o-war, a slippery pole climb and a very curiously named event called "porridge face". I spent the day with my "clan" getting our flag and costumes ready. Bring on the humiliation...

The day of my reckoning has come...my interview has been set for Thursday, June 30th at 2:40pm. I am going into this interview like any other interview. However, I am hoping that this is simply a formality. 2 other people applied for the job. I could probably kick both their asses and steal their shirts before their interviews. They'd be screwed and I would definitely get the job!

Today, I think that I may have seen my future. There are certain indicators that make one feel old; I experienced a lot of them today.

I have witnessed many retired people fill a whole day of looking busy when, in fact, they accomplish very little. In 3 hours I was able to go for a haircut and buy a loaf of bread, a jug of milk and a few other items (which I thought amounted to more money than it should have). This is alarming considering it only takes me 5 minutes to walk to the hair salon and the grocery store. To increase my feeling of being old, I paid for almost all my groceries with coupons! Afterall, a penny saved is a penny earned.

When you reach a certain age, young people refer to you as "Mr." or "sir". I saw 5 of my students on the street today and they all addressed me in this manner. Although it was weird at first, I am slowly getting used to it now.

My fate was sealed when I ended my afternoon by having a bowl of vegetable soup, eating biscuits and drinking a pot of tea whilst listening to jazz and opera on BBC Radio 2. I followed this by "doing my ironing".

The one saving grace that made me feel young again was when the woman cutting my hair said that I looked like a student when I told her where I worked. Thanks, haircut lady.

In the last 48 hours I have had 7 hours of sleep; I'm knackered. Yesterday, (Thursday) I helped to supervise the school rock concert. There were some really good bands and some other bands that deserve "participant" ribbons. A couple voices made me cringe in pain. However, I suppose that they have done something that I couldn't have done. Watching all those budding rock stars made me thirsty so I went out for a few pints with the regular bunch afterward. I got in around 2 only to wake up 4 hours later to catch the bus for a school trip to Edinburgh.
I went to Edinburgh with 2 other teachers and 30 senior students for a "university open house day". The 3 hour bus ride was rough. Sleeping on the bus is always difficult (i hate the "head bob") so I was doomed to try to survive the day with a hangover and limited sleep whilst trying to look after 30 kids. Thankfully, the other two teachers did all the work as they organize the trip and have done it over 25 times. I was basically along for the ride.
It was kind of bizarre going back to a university. Sitting in a packed, smelly lecture hall falling asleep whilst listening to a professor drone on and on brought back memories of the good ol' days. I was reminded of the Simpsons episode when Homer goes back to University ("excuse me, I work at a nuclear power plant. I think I know how a proton accelerator works.") I am now supposedly "edumacated" and have "life experience". I looked at all the unassuming innocent lambs with a superior grin and a reminiscent eye.

dammit! I just put in my first load of laundry in my new washer. Guess what I found AFTER I started the cycle? A lone pair of boxer shorts mocking me as they lay on the stairs.

I got my camera today! It's silver and shiny. I just finished staring at it for an hour. I ordered it online so it had to be delivered. Unfortunately, they only deliver monday to friday from 9-4; in other words, they deliver to my home when I'm at work. However, it is good to live in a small village sometimes. I guess the delivery guy asked around and found out from someone that I worked at the school and dropped it off there!

3 things I have learned tonight:

1.) Parent's evenings suck.

2.) Peter Kay is funniest stand-up comedian ever.

3.) Never assume that you will only have one beer at Davey's place.

So the first year parent's evening was tonight. Of all the parent's evenings I have gone through this year, this one has been the worst. There was one parent in particular who decided to test me on my teaching practices. He was the most aggravating parent I have come across thus far. Other than this frustrating experience, the evening was fine.

Pints and sausage rolls at Davey's afterward. Watched some cool music DVDs as well as some funny comedians. Peter Kay is amazing!

I got back from the weekend in Edinburgh with two surprises. The first was a new washing machine. Even though the washer is a front loading piece of crap, I will now be able to wash clothes without imposing on neighbours.
The second surprise was even better...an air hockey table! Aaaaaaawesome. However, I am finding it kind of boring playing by myself. I guess I could be like Forrest Gump and hone my air hockey skills by myself. Then I would be able to destroy any competition who dare try to challenge me.

I started the weekend by playing a decent round of golf at the staff tournament. Good day at a good course.

I went down to Edinburgh on Saturday night for an "end of year social" with a few other foreign teachers. The turn-out was low and disappointing; only about 12 people of a possible 40. A couple of cool people in the bunch. It turned out to be a pretty tame night which consisted of a lot of "teacher talk" (So, where do you teach? What are your plans for next year? blah, blah, blah). The only remedy to ease the pain of the monotony was a consistent full pint glass in hand. Slowly, the night got better.

I was bored at school and decided to start a school newspaper. I contribute an article (Mr. Muir's Canadian Commentary) and have included the 2 articles below. They are both about language. A working title for the next article is "Wayne Who?: A Canadian hockey player's struggle to find ice hockey in Scotland".

Article #1 - The Difficulty of British English

Since moving to Scotland I have found some differences between the Canadians and the Scots. The main difference is obvious: language. Indeed, Canadians and Scots both speak and write English. However, I have come to recognize a few words that have somewhat different meanings in Canada.
In Canada, crisps are chips and chips are fries. The ground floor is the first floor and the first floor is the second floor. Football is a different sport altogether in North America. Pants are worn on the outside of your underwear. A boot belongs on my foot, not at the rear of my car (where the steering wheel is on the LEFT hand side). Plaster belongs on a wall, not on injured fingers. A torch is a large, flaming stick. A flashlight is a much better method for helping me to see in the dark. A stone is a rock, which does necessarily have to weigh 14 pounds. In this case, “pounds” is not a reference to the currency. If I make a spelling mistake, I use an eraser, not a rubber. You may become a bit embarrassed if you ask a teacher for a “rubber” in Canada. Even in writing this article I run into an embarrassing conundrum: Do I end sentences with the Canadian “period” or a full-stop?


Article #2 - Canadian English Oddities

Having discussed the difficulties of Scots/British English in the previous issue, it would only be fair to reveal some distinctly “Canadian” words. The list below shows a sample of words that are commonplace throughout the country but illicit strange looks of confusion when used abroad.

Ogopogo - Legendary monster that is rumoured to live in Okanagan Lake in central British Columbia. Similar to Loch Ness Monster. A VERY suspect video is the only proof of the monster’s existence.

Kraft Dinner - Often shortened to "KD", known elsewhere as "macaroni and cheese". Canadians eat the most KD per capita of any country.

Hoser - A put-down. “You’re such a hoser”.

Habs - Nickname for Montreal Canadians hockey team. Derived from a contraction of “habitants”, a French term for residents of New France (present day Quebec).

Canuck - A Canadian.

deke, deke out - to feint, to trick or avoid someone "to deke out of a meeting" or, to deftly maneuver around a sporting opponent (esp. in hockey).

Chinook(sh-nuk) - A warm, dry wind experienced along the eastern side of the Rocky Mountains in Canada. Most common in winter and spring, it can result in a rise in temperature of 20C (35 to 40F) in a quarter of an hour.

Chesterfield - a sofa, couch, or loveseat.

Keener - An enthusiastic student, not necessarily a positive term

Eh? - A famous Canadian way of ending sentences. Used in place of “don't you think?” “It looks like it is going to rain, eh?”

Tim Horton’s - Famous Canadian coffee shops known for their donuts and coffee.

Poutine (poo-teen) - A cholesterol-rich Canadian "delicacy" consisting of French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. A French-Canadian creation.

Loonie - One dollar coin. Nickname comes from the loon depicted on the front.

Toonie - Two dollar coin.

Click - Slang term for Kilometre. “I drove 50 clicks yesterday.”

Tuque (two-k) - a close-fitting woolen winter hat

Coquihalla(coke-a-halla) - Section of the Trans-Canada highway.

Is it necessary to include the brand of sneaker?

The Sky is Falling

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Had a bit of a respite from dealing with lazy students and teaching classes today. I took the school golf team to a tournament in Elgin. A retired teacher from the school joined us. He and I were able to get in 18 holes after all the tournament groups had gone out. A sunny day playing golf and getting paid for it - it's difficult to think of a better way to spend a Wednesday. My round was shit. Unfortunately, the students didn't win either. I will be playing again on Friday afternoon in the annual staff tournament. 19th hole should be good.

Today I set my aims of accomplishing things very low and did not achieve them...

I woke up just before noon. I decided to clean up my place, as it was a bit of a mess. I started to do laundry but my washing machine decided to stop doing it's job. I hate the UK-style washing machines. For those of you that are unfamiliar with this type of washer, they are front-loading. As soon as you turn it on, the door locks until the cycle is finished. That means you need to get everything in before you shut the door. If you accidentally drop a sock on your way to the washing machine, tough shit. If you put in a red sock in with your whites, tough shit. To top it all off, they are ALWAYS placed in the kitchen! Who does laundry in the kitchen?! Anyway, I went up the street to Mike's place and put a few loads in his washer. While I was waiting for the wash to finish, we solved the world's problems for another week.

John Wright, a fellow teacher, had me and a few other people over for drinks later in the evening. Good times. I sampled many amazing whiskies. I think I can almost consider myself a quasi-connoisseur now.

The interview for my job won't happen until July 6th (at the earliest). Thus, I am going to have to reschedule my flight for my summer holiday. I am not too happy about this. Stupid Council bureacratic nonsense and regulations.

I bought a shiny new digital camera. My old camera gets tired easily and is losing it's eyesight. In other words, the batteries don't last long and the focus doesn't work.

Broke up a fight between a couple of girls today. Well, it was pretty much over by the time any teachers got there. They were best friends by the end of the day.

Went golfing after school. Decent weather and a decent round. Playing in a staff match against another school next friday, so I should get a couple of more rounds in before then.

Tor: big-ass ancient rocks in the middle of a barren land.



A Tor on Ben Avon

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This weekend was amazing. Mike, Ian & I drove down the road to Tomintoul to do a bit of hillwalking (hiking). It was wet, but awesome to get up into the hills.

Saturday was pretty calm and relaxed. We just went for an easy day walk to a nearby town. This was only a warm-up for the next day. Sunday we ventured out for 12 hours of hiking in weather that ranged from warm sun to freezing blizzards. This truly was a masochistic nightmare at times but worth the drenched clothes and sore muscles in the end. The tors and views of the glens were spectacular.

I have posted a new album. Enjoy.