Scottish Deep Thoughts

Ironing is torturous. I truly detest it. I have to wear a shirt and tie to work everyday, which I don't mind doing. However, when it comes to keeping my shirts and pants wrinkle free I have issues. I think I must be ironing incorrectly because I seem to end up with more wrinkles than when I start. I may just scrap the shirt and pants and live out everyone's nightmare of standing naked in front of the class.

Just got back from hockey. We tied RAF Lossie 8-8. It was a heartbreaker that we should have won. I got my hat trick so I am happy. Oh, I found out that Rip (the 80 year old) bombed Hitler's hideaway in Berchesgarten! Good god.

Friday night. I decided to go to the cinema. I haven't been since the summer and wanted to see "Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy". I was looking forward to seeing it but will have to wait until NEXT Friday when it starts playing. I was sure that it premiered tonight. Not wanting to waste the evening, I decided on what looked like the least shitty of the alternatives: "The Interpreter". All I will say is that it killed an evening.

Made a visit to Tesco and I have seen the future: self-serve check-outs! I was blown away. It was like I stepped into the Jetson's grocery store. I scanned my groceries and put my cash into the machine, which doled out the correct change. This is a great invention but I am concerned that this will eliminate one of my favorite parts of the shopping experience. Flirting with the check out girl makes grocery shopping all that much better.

Parent-Teacher Interview night. It is rather bizarre meeting parents and telling them how their kids are doing in class. I am young enough to BE their child! And the fact that I am a Canadian is sometimes the only reason they come. "Come and see the Canadian teacher in his teaching habitat.". All I can do is watch as they point and whisper things to their neighbour. I should start charging admission at the door. Another annoying part of these nights is that the parents that do show up are almost always the ones who have the "perfect" child. I have NOTHING to say to them...

"Jane/Johnny is a pleasure to have in class. They hand all their work in on time and behave well. Any questions? No? ummmmmmmm......(awkward pause....pretend to look at some papers).......Big Gulps, eh? Well, see ya later. ".

What a waste of time. The only good part about that whole ordeal was drinking afterwards and discussing what we COULD have said, that is, if we decided that we didn't like our job anymore. Gotta love pints, sausage rolls and music DVD's at Davey's place.

I have a plumber crashing in my spare room. He showed up yesterday and I don't know how long he is staying.

The place next door is owned by my landlord and they are fixing it up. So while Mike the Plumber fixes up the place next door he needs a place to stay. My landlady asked me if it's cool. I don't really care as I am not really around much. Apparently, my landlady likes hiring homeless plumbers.

As I suspected, my cold did not go away and is now getting revenge for torturing my body over the weekend. My voice is completely ruined and I now sound like Barry White going through puberty.

From a third year (grade 9) pupil in response to my bloodshot eyes (due to irritating contacts):

"Mr. Muir, your eyes are all bloodshot. Have you been welding?"

I don't like spiders. I jsut had an incident with a rather large spider. It was not enjoyable. I can handle the small ones but I really hate the big ones. If a spider makes a noise when it crosses the floor you know it is too big! If it makes a crunching noise when you squish it, then it is too big. I am getting creaped out just writing this.

I think that I have adjusted to the "work time schedule" again and have shaken off the carefree life of "holiday time". This is the ugly consequence of 2 weeks away from responsibility. Mornings this week were a struggle and only exacerbated by an annoying cold. Headaches and a sore throat do not mix well with teaching. If I am sick this coming week I only have myself to blame - I spent most of it outside and getting exercise.
On Friday I was convinced by a friend to play a round of golf despite the cold wind and the clouds that were trying their hardest to drop snow rather than rain. I played like crap. I blame the weather, my illness and the fact that it was the first round in about 3 months. Nonetheless, it was good to get out.
After a long lie-in on Saturday morning I decided to avoid the stack of marking and work that constantly stares at me by getting out of the house and going to Glenfiddich distillery (i live in the heart of whisky country- life is good). The tour was unspectacular; the highlight was the free dram at the end. I wonder if you can just keep going back on the tour and get completely hammered for free. I spent the rest of the day wandering around the wee town that surrounds the distillery, contemplating life and other not-so-important things. Much of my spare time is spent in my head.
Sunday was the highlight of the weekend. I had a hockey game in Elgin against RAF Leuchers. We won 12 - 10. Now our team is shite so a win is amazing. Our goalie is absolute rubbish. Think of Goldberg from Mighty Ducks 1 and you have our goalie. I think we should duct tape him to the goals and shoot pucks at him. So the game...I was able to put in 4 goals and a few assists. Hopefully, this will be enough to keep my status as the "Great Canadian Hope" for the another week. Apart from the win, the highlight of tonight was watching "Rip" Ripley, our 80 year-old hockey phenom. He comes out for a game every now and again and tries his hardest, which is pretty damn cool (as long as he doesn't keel over and die).
After the game I went to the Tesco (giant grocery store) to get some groceries for the week. I love 24 hour grocery stores. Shopping at 11pm is so much more enjoyable than shopping during midday. There are no kids running around with carts crashing into you and no parents frantically buying groceries to feed said children. Late-night shopping is almost therapeutic. The till chick was totally hitting on me. I made conversation. She had "a good personality".
Now I am back home and the early alarm looms. I dread it.

This is the first entry of what is sure to become one of the greatest pieces of literature of the 21st century. I rather regret not starting this when I first arrived in Scotland but I will keep this up to date.

Enjoy!

Mike.